Children bond with their parents through deep, original love, and they are ready to sacrifice their life for the family. This bond is independent of the person’s feelings and experiences. It is reflected in the magical belief that one can take on another person’s destiny and thereby help him. Children are loyal to their father and mother equally. As a sign of this, they can take on a similar fate and even unhappiness or illness. Rarely or never do they dare to live a fuller, happier, more successful life on a lasting basis. If they did, deep inside, unconsciously, they would feel they betrayed their family. “I do it the same way you do. Out of love.” This dynamic can be restored during a family constellation therapy: bow before the parent, then say: “I respect you, and I leave your destiny to you. Please look at me with love even if my fate is happier than yours.”
The parent is big; the child is small.
Interfering with the parents’ affairs causes constant pressure in the child; they become the big one, and the parent will be the small one. Thus, the child cannot separate from the parents; and remains what they are: a child. Consequently, in adult relationships, they act childish.
The parent gives, the child receives.
Whoever gives must be respected.
The child is equally bonded to both parents.
Systems are hierarchical: the partnership precedes the children.
Kids also give to each other – giving flows from bigger to smaller.
The child is the embodiment of the couple’s love. With the abortion, they will also cut the thread of their love. The relationship terminates, even if the couple stays together. But if both parents sincerely mourn, they can build a new relationship with each other. If those involved, do not take responsibility, a later-born child will. The aborting parents may experience financial loss, and relationship problems due to deep-seated guilt. The healing sentence: “My dear child! I give you a place in my heart. I’m sorry. I will accept your sacrifice as a gift, and I will use it well in your memory. So that your sacrifice won’t be in vain, I will make something very good out of my life.”; and “I am your mother. You already have a mom. I chose to accept my guilt, and I will make you happy.” If we ruin our lives out of guilt, we are disrespectful to the fate of the aborted child.
Observations in family constellation therapies reveal that if the parents are unavailable for any reason, the child’s best place is with the relatives.
However, there are families where the adopting parents and the child have developed a happy, constructive relationship. It is no coincidence that the child was born and raised by another at the soul level. Balancing the family dynamics helps avoid invisible restrictive and destructive bonds between the child, their descendants and the adopting parents. Knowing and following the laws of the field prevent and eliminate many difficulties.
• the child is bonded to their biological parents
• the adopting parents and the child have to respect them and thank them for the life they have given
• the adopting parent is second, the biological parents are first.