Love is a much more powerful, free-form force than us that can find us through Cupid’s arrow, but we can never seize it. We can be in it because it is in us, but it can never be ours. He comes when he wants and with whoever he wants. We are at his disposal.
In a relationship, in marriage, we surrender ourselves to this force that has flared up in both of us and brought us together. If we say yes to it, if we trust it, if we allow ourselves to be moved, driven, perhaps tortured by it, then we burn in it and light it.
If we resist it, we will block the flow of our lives and we may become ill. Many people are also afraid of him, because if he arrives, our whole life so far may be upset. We may leave our home, our previous couple, our children. And we cause pain to those we love best.
Usually we fall in love with an unknown person, or, if we have known that person for a long time, something hitherto unknown to us awakens love in us. By the other we get to know what we ourselves do not have.
In the encounter between a man and a woman, it is primarily the other sex that represents the unknown, but all the more attractive secret. Masculinity awakens femininity in a woman and vice versa. When a man enters the company of women, or vice versa, the ancient game of male-female play begins.
This game is just a tool for the goal. The goal is above personality: creating offspring. This dynamic is hidden there in all our cells, and it controls everything.
There is depth and creativity in sexuality, it should not be underestimated, as our total life force is nothing but sexual energy.
But not only sexuality serves the survival of the race, but also love. Not only must we create new life, but we must ensure its physical and emotional security, development, fulfillment – which is impossible without love.
Partner love and child love are thus natural means of species maintenance.
Love is blind, love sees
Love develops in us throughout our infancy, especially for our mother. This is perhaps the deepest love, but after a while the child is disappointed, moves away from his mother, and learns to act on his own. As an adult (whether male or female), you meet someone they love hotly with each other. In the first stage of love, both parties generally feel that “I have finally found the mother from whom I will get what I have always wanted and which my real mother did not give. (See Gary Chapman: Languages of Love.) That’s why love is blind.
It transforms into deep love when the parties begin to realize that the other is not a mother but a partner who would love to share her life with her. This love can see. He sees the other who. He loves who. To do this, we need to give up part of our ego, thus serving love.
Love, then, is the acceptance of reality as it is. Accepting the other person as I am, and that enables me to accept myself as I am.
Permanence
The internal engine of relationships inspires permanence and durability over time. Towards a decision that makes it clear: We are a couple. If the parties postpone this, they say to each other: I’m waiting for one more right. They hurt each other and run “long relationships”. He who does not marry seems to remain free, but the price of this is emptiness. Knitting also comes at a price, but we gain freedom through it.
The wedding ring also has a spiritual protective function.
Families are getting married
Both members of the couple have a set of values, behavioral habits that they bring with them from their family. Their consciences are aligned with the norms accepted in the family. This conscience is not about what is right and what is not, but about what prevails in that person’s family.
The relationship becomes balanced when both parties also say yes to the other’s family, if they recognize each other’s system. With that, they may give up a small part of themselves, but the whole thing gets stronger. Therefore, it has a constructive effect if the wedding is mainly attended by the family members and relatives of the groom and the bride. It becomes easier to realize that we are not only dating one person, but also with where he came from and what he brought with him. However, the wedding is also a farewell to the original family.
