What is beyond your goal?

Frequently, our greatest problem is that we don’t know what our greatest problem exactly is. Until we figure it out, how could we define our goal? Let’s take an example: Jane is a mother of two. At their birth, she gave up her job to take the best care of them. Now they go to school, have their private interests, and don’t need mommy that much. She started to miss doing something “adultish” so they agreed with her husband that she started selling beds for twins. Having twins themselves, they know more than anyone what special situations parents of twins are to face. They have a designer, a carpenter, someone to produce them, and the project didn’t need too much money to invest. So everything was set, only a determined, strong decision was missing, and she emphasized several times that she didn’t want to make an awful lot of money, just enough to cover the family’s expenses.

Why Jane turned to me was not this issue. She wanted some support with her underworking thyroid. Normally, this condition is followed up by the loss of energy, fatigue, the feeling of being suppressed under the water, and some depression. The underlying emotional pattern of a condition like this usually starts in the past when parents or other authorities programmed the child (unwillingly, of course) that she/he cannot do what they want to do and sometimes that they cannot be smarter/richer/more successful, etc. than their mother/brother/sibling and so on. During the previous sessions, we discussed issues of post-traumatic effects of losses in the family and the dynamics that are prevalent in situations like that. In this case, she made an unconscious wow to her aborted brother: “How could I be happy when you can’t even live?”

It is often enough to discover the destructive pattern to let it go, and sometimes special exercises are necessary too. So, when we started to speak about her decision, she had already permitted herself to be happy. 

I asked her what if the business fails? She seemed to be prepared for it, and it didn’t mean a problem for her. To my question as ‘What if the business will thrive?” she only answered: “That would be fine.” with no emotions shown. And then I asked her from the top of my head, “If you could do anything in the world, what would you really want to do?” She started to smile, her eyes lightened up and said: I would open a cafe. I’ve been pampering this dream for years, and I have never known how to start it, where I could get the initial capital from. 

Now, the picture was clear. She will start the twin-bed business and allow it to be successful. She will use its profit to fund her life-long dream of a specially designed cafe with an assortment of exotic coffee and chocolate drinks. Let alone the cookies and cakes!

1. List the 3 most important goals you want to achieve by the end of this program:

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Choose a priority:

2. How will your life be different when your priority goal is accomplished?

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3. What are you doing then specifically?

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4. What will you tell your best friend about your life then? (Brag a little, please!)