1.2.2 Your child- and adolescent selves
In developmental psychology, each stage of life leaves emotional, cognitive, and relational imprints that remain active—often unconsciously—into adulthood (Siegel, 2020). Two of the most formative are early childhood and adolescence, periods where our core sense of safety, self-worth, and belonging is shaped (Erikson, 1963). When needs are unmet or wounds occur during these years, the younger parts of us can carry forward patterns of fear, self-doubt, or longing that affect our present-day choices and relationships (Schore, 2019).
Holistic and humanistic psychology invite us to reconnect with these younger selves—not to dwell on the past, but to offer them the understanding, reassurance, and care they may have missed. Positive psychology further shows that self-compassion and re-parenting practices can improve resilience, reduce stress, and increase overall life satisfaction (Neff & Germer, 2018).
The following guided practice blends imagery, embodiment, and emotional attunement to foster a sense of wholeness and inner integration.
Your Child Self
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Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
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Imagine yourself as a small child. A picture may emerge—perhaps joyful, perhaps sad. Allow whatever comes to be there.
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Approach your child-self in your mind’s eye. Look into their eyes. What do you see—happiness, fear, sadness, pride?
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Ask gently: “What do you need?” Listen without judgment.
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Embrace this child. Say: “I love you very much.” Kiss them, and promise: “I will take care of you from now on.”
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Give them—through your imagination—exactly what they asked for.
Spend a few moments simply being together. When you feel ready, open your eyes.
Write down what you experienced in your notebook.
Your Adolescent Self
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Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
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Bring to mind yourself as a teenager. Recall a moment when you felt misunderstood, not good enough, lonely, or hurt.
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Approach this teenage self. Hug them warmly and say: “I am so proud of you.”
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Tell them about the qualities and strengths you have today, and how much you owe to their courage and persistence.
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Promise to listen to them more and help make their dreams a reality.
Pause and let these words land. Then, when ready, open your eyes and note your experience.
Chair Exercise: The Triangle of Selves
You will need three chairs, arranged in a triangular shape:
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One for your present self
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One for your adolescent self
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One for your child self
Step 1 – Child Self
Sit in the child self chair. Quiet your mind. Notice any sensations—warmth, tension, lightness. Breathe deeply and allow any tension to melt away. Stay here for 1–2 minutes.
Step 2 – Adolescent Self
Move to the adolescent self chair. Again, quiet your mind and notice your sensations. Ask what is needed, and imagine offering it. Stay for 1–2 minutes.
Step 3 – Present Self
Move to the present self chair. In your mind, look into your child self’s eyes and say softly:
“Yes. Yes. Yes.”
Repeat with your adolescent self.
When complete, journal your reflections.
The Science Behind
This practice blends inner child work (Winnicott, 1965) with parts integration (Schwartz, 2021), encouraging neural reconsolidation of old emotional patterns and building greater self-coherence. The imagery and verbal affirmations can help to regulate the nervous system, fostering a sense of safety and belonging that strengthens both emotional resilience and self-esteem.
References
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Erikson, E. H. (1963). Childhood and society (2nd ed.). Norton.
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Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The mindful self-compassion workbook. Guilford Press.
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Schore, A. N. (2019). Right brain psychotherapy. Norton.
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Schwartz, R. C. (2021). No bad parts: Healing trauma and restoring wholeness with the Internal Family Systems model. Sounds True.
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Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.
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Winnicott, D. W. (1965). The maturational processes and the facilitating environment. International Universities Press.