1.4.1 Self-image

Very often we construct a picture of ourselves by other people’s opinions or we inherit our self-image from our ancestors. This exercise will be especially beneficial if you have profound problems with your appearance, mental capacity, or personality type because it will help you see and appreciate the real you better. It may also boost your self-esteem.

Have you ever noticed that your self-image isn’t always your own creation?


From childhood, we absorb comments and judgments from family, teachers, and peers. Over time, these opinions can settle in our minds as “truths” about who we are. Sometimes, we even carry unspoken family narratives:

  • “Our family isn’t talented at….”

  • “People like us don’t succeed at…”

  • “I’ve always been the shy one.”

Psychologists call this introjection—the process of adopting other people’s beliefs as our own (Beck et al., 1979). And while these borrowed beliefs may have once helped us fit in, they often keep us from seeing our true strengths and living fully.

If you’ve ever struggled with your appearance, intelligence, or personality, the next exercise can help you clarify your self-image. When you become aware of the difference between who you think you are and who you truly are, your self-esteem can grow naturally.

Research in positive psychology suggests that self-compassion and self-awareness are strongly linked to resilience and personal growth (Neff, 2011; Seligman, 2018). By doing this exercise, you’ll start separating the “voices of others” from your authentic self. This is the first step toward coaching yourself with clarity and kindness.

Exercise: Your Real Self vs. Borrowed Beliefs

Step 1: Reflect on the beliefs you carry about yourself.
These may sound like:

  • “I’m not good enough.”

  • “I’ll never be good with money.”

  • “I’m not as smart as others.”

Step 2: Challenge these beliefs with the facts.
What is actually true? Very often, your lived reality is kinder than the story you’ve been repeating to yourself.

Step 3: Notice how your self-belief affects your behavior.
When you think a limiting thought, how do you act? Do you hide, shrink, or avoid opportunities?

Step 4: Recognize the impact on others.
We often forget that our self-doubt doesn’t just affect us—it deprives others of our presence, skills, and light.

Examples

  1. Example:

    1. I think I’m ugly.

    2. I’m actually beautiful.

    3. As a result, I always feel bad, I hide, I behave strangely in company.

    4. The price paid by others for this: I keep myself away from them, I don’t open up, I deprive them of my smile / knowledge / opinion / light.

  2. Another example:

    1. I don’t think I have any money.

    2. I actually have money.

    3. As a result, I feel small, worthless, not important.

    4. The price paid by others for this: I deprive them of what they could get from me (love, knowledge, company, humor, etc.)

Your Turn: Finish the Sentences

Write two or three self-reflections using this framework:

  1. I think…

  2. In fact…

  3. As a result…

  4. The price paid by others for this…

Repeat for as many beliefs as you need.

Why It Works

This exercise is powerful because it combines cognitive restructuring (challenging distorted thoughts) with self-compassion practices (seeing your own worth). Research in cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT) shows that identifying and reframing negative self-talk can significantly reduce self-criticism and improve mental well-being (Beck, 2011; Hofmann et al., 2012).

When you see how your beliefs influence not only your life but also the lives of those around you, motivation for change naturally grows. As you keep doing exercises like this, you are building the muscle of self-coaching—and that is the heart of this course.

References

  • Beck, J. S. (2011). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

  • Beck, A. T., Rush, A. J., Shaw, B. F., & Emery, G. (1979). Cognitive therapy of depression. Guilford Press.

  • Hofmann, S. G., Asnaani, A., Vonk, I. J., Sawyer, A. T., & Fang, A. (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 36(5), 427–440.

  • Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

  • Seligman, M. E. P. (2018). The hope circuit: A psychologist’s journey from helplessness to optimism. PublicAffairs.

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